WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
