I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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