did you get engaged???
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
