Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
