I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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