eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
