I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
