It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
