Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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