went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
