I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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