can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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