Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
it hurts more in the daytime
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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