we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
