I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
