Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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