We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Randomize
