I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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