Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
