I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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