Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I have aggressive nipples.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
