I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
