No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
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