To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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