A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
