matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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