Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
