Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
