Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
