Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
