i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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