i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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