woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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