Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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