Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
