Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
