I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
