why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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