shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
