either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Randomize
