YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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