false alarm. still invincible.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
