I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
