i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
