You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
