I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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