I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
