Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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