i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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