Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
