If i could tip my vagina, i would.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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