he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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