I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
