so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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