I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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