Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
